The lack of ability to get an erection. The lack of lust. Early ejaculation. Men who fail to come. The sexual problems are many and men struggle in silence. It doesn’t have to be like that.

Both men and women struggle with a range of sexual issues, some of them serious. A lot of these problems are often linked to other diagnoses such as cancer and cardiovascular disease.

Still many men struggle unnecessarily. Their challenges not quite serious; often the problems can be solved by acquiring the right knowledge, or by getting to know themselves and their bodies better.

Try a lubricant!
A man tells his therapist how he feels forced to buy oral sex from male prostitutes or to seek out clubs with glory holes because that’s the only way he gets orgasms. When he masturbates it hurts. Turns out that he is circumcised and he has been masturbating without any kind of lubricant. The therapist tells him to try a lubricant, which turns out to be a great success.

Stimulate other erogenous zones!
A man describes how he finds his boyfriend attractive, but he is unable to come. The sexologist suggests stimulating other erogenous zones on the body, like the nipples. The man rejects this idea because only women get horny from that. When he tries this after all, it works very well.

Try anal massage!
A man complains that he can have intercourse for hours without coming. The only way to reach completion is to masturbate. The sexologist recommends prostate massage during sexual intercourse or a vibrating butt plug. A simple advise that turns out great.

Drop the fantasies if they don’t work!
A man complains that he is unable to orgasm when masturbating. The fantasy usually ends before he comes. The therapist tells him to stop fantasizing. His aim is to find out what he likes and what feels good, even if it takes a while. The man finally orgasms – stronger than ever before.

Don’t worry about your fantasies!
A man is in a good relationship with another man. He gets scared when he starts to fantasize about a female friend. The sexologist explains that what’s happening in his head is just his – and as long as he really wants a relationship with the man and they’re otherwise fine, then some exciting fantasies during intercourse do not matter. The sexologist also recommends that these stay his ‘secret’.

Masturbate until you almost come, then do it again!
A man is distraught over coming early when having sex with his partner. He is advised to get to know his own body by masturbating until he almost comes and then stop, do it again, and then stop. This exercise lets him get familiar with his own body and the signals it sends before coming. His focus shifts from fear of coming early to the feeling of mastering his own body.

First a quickie, then the real fun begins!
Another solution to coming early is to just come as soon as possible, and then focus on foreplay and other parts of the body. After which you can continue to enjoy a more relaxed romp in the sack.

Solo sex and sex toy play can give great benefits and useful experiences.
Even though many of these examples seem obvious, each is an example from reality. The saying that you need to first get to know your own body before you can become a good lover has merit. Solo sex and sex toy play can give you great pleasure and useful experiences, you can even gain some more insight if you read a book or two.

This text has previously been published in the Norwegian magazine Cupido.

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