Our blogger, Neon, has been around the block more than once. And he has a few stories that he wants to get off his chest. Time, places and names may have been changed, but everything you read is otherwise a true story; maybe you even can identify with some of the things Neon has experienced.
Neon belongs to what you may call the silver of the rainbow. When he was a kid it was illegal to be gay in his country. It is no longer so, but Europe and the rest of the world still have a long way to go concerning gay rights.
Neon wants to look ahead, he is looking at the silver lining. But he also thinks that young gays of today need to take a good look at the past. Both to understand that equal rights do not come ease, and the rights they have can easily disappear. They also need to understand that if we all stand together, things will get better.
Here’s some food for thought. For a moment, let’s set aside the psychologists’ theories about environmental impact, the preachers’ thunderous speeches about divine punishment, and the hobbyist social workers’ speculations of ‘a dominant mother’.
Let’s say, just for the hell of it, that we become queer solely based on genetics. That the DNA strip has been ‘shaken and stirred’; that we are simply born gay. So I ask myself; if it is a genetically certainty that we are homosexual, can we explain the wickedness among us the same way? Is there a link here?
What do I mean by wicked. Let’s check the thesaurus: Devilish, evil, impish, malicious, nasty, naughty, vicious, villainous, amoral, indecent, mean, profane, rotten. If you ask me, it sounds like any night at a gay bar anytime, anywhere.
The bad breakup
I had just gone through a sad breakup with a guy I’m still very fond of. One would think that when two people who love each other go their separate ways, their surrounding worlds would show a certain understanding. Yeah, right!
Out on the town I was stopped no less than four times by four different, more or less handsome guys, both drunk and sober, who have told me; “I’ve screwed your ex!”
The first time this happened was soon after the breakup. You don’t need much imagination in order to understand the pain and the agony I felt right there and then. What was said, even in a best case scenario, would have been some sort of stupid boasting. The thing that shook me, was the look on his face and in his eyes when he told me. I don’t know which of the synonyms mentioned above that could describe that look the best.
First of all, it’s nobody’s business – least of all mine – who my ex sleeps with after the breakup. And second, after a fairly long relationship, I think I know him and his tastes pretty well. I knew he would have never jumped into the sack with any of the four – except maybe the third one, but that’s it. The question that remains is; what makes someone so vicious as to walk up to someone and tell them something like this just for the hell of it?
Ruin the relationship of others
Some time later I was confronted by this guy telling me with a smirk on his face, that one of my best friends was running around town talking shit about me. He of course updated me on the exact rumors, none of them all that flattering, to put it mildly.
I am not one to let that kind of thing pass me by, so I called the friend in question and asked for an explanation. I was not really surprised that this friend, stunned, told me that he didn’t know anything about the gossip. He would never say anything this vicious about anyone. The rumors in question were more than suggesting that I preferred very young boys. I don’t think I need to go into more details about that. Later, my friend and I found out that the idiot spreading these rumors, was only trying to destroy our friendship out of sheer jealousy.
Why the hell are we like this? We are all looking for that great love, and we all want to find that someone special. At the same time we can’t stop playing this game of “how to ruin the relationship of others”.
Is this who we are? We won’t allow others to enjoy their relationships out of jealousy and bitterness? Are we feeling so sorry for ourselves that we must try destroy other people’s happiness with rumors and acts of pure evil?
It’s one thing to spread rumors, but then you have those who resort to a more hands on activity. Like they did when two of my very good friends became an item.
These two are really cute together. One day, while sitting at the bar enjoying a drink, this guy I know came over and sat down next to me. Off hand, he made some comments about a couple that was on the dance floor. He said something we’ve all heard too many times; “They are really cute together, and I know they are a couple. But I can’t help it, I really want to have sex with one of them”.
Who needs enemies when you have friends like that?
Who am I to talk
I do not think I’ve experienced more shit than others in the gay scene. And I’m definitely not more bitter than many others. But take a look around you! We, who should stick together and take care of each other, are worse than a steam of cannibalistic piranhas.
Just look at how youngsters are ‘welcomed’ onto the scene. Being the new kid on the block, you really must look after yourself. There are plenty of wolves lurking in the dark corners of the night clubs, ready to rip you apart.
The kids are quick learners though. It doesn’t take many trips out on town to know how to smile and wiggle your butt to get free drinks and attention. Give the new kids a few weeks, and these new princes are ruling the dance floors. Gays can be more catty than women.
But who am I to talk. The genetics are also playing tricks on me. Even if I try to be a nice person, I know I’m not as completely harmless as I wish I were.
The next time a guy came over in the bar to tell me he had been fucking my ex, I was prepared; “Really, you did? Did you enjoy it?”
“Huh?” My reaction was clearly unexpected. “Erm… Well… I guess?” He did look a bit bewildered.
“Good,” I confided in him, “I was his first you know, so I trained him. I’m happy you liked the result”.
The guy looked at me as if I were crazy, I don’t think he quite believed what he was hearing. Taking another sip of his beer, he looked me and then shrugged his shoulders before walking away.
I finished my own drink and walked out of the bar. I think it must have been raining that evening, I remember having to wipe my eyes and cheeks as I walked home.