Have you ever thought about the fact that making out makes us both dumb and blind? This poses a particular challenge because good kissing is also dependent on good communication.
“Nobody is good at making out with everyone, but we can all be good at making out with someone”, says ‘kissing expert’ Marte Oraug Skogtrø.
She is a volunteer ‘kissing and makeout expert’ at a chat-based advisory service on the internet aimed at young people, where she offers advice and tips on feelings, love and sex.
Marte finds that most young people who log on and ask questions usually have questions about very basic things, such as kissing and making out, and not as much about advanced sex as the media tries to give an impression of.
She believes that kissing can be the litmus test in order to find out if your date is worth investing in. It’s no wonder that most have a little performance anxiety ahead of the make out session. Expectations that it should work from the first moment are reasonably high.
A good make out gives room for plenty of variation and can be just as advanced as actual sex, the act of kissing allows for much more variety than what you would think.
“Kissing is all about good communication”, Marte explains.
We’re talking about communication with a slight disadvantage, because the mouth which usually is used to communicate with, is occupied with other activities; and the eyes that we usually use to read other people’s body language are so close this other person that it literally is impossible to focus properly. In other words, we are both dumb and blind when we really should be able to communicate.
“Fortunately, when one of our senses are weakened, the others usually get stronger. So we should just close our eyes and use the rest of our senses”, says Marte.
“I don’t understand those who absolutely have to kiss everyone when they’ve had a little too much to drink. Even though kissing in most cases is both really nice and risk free, you don’t have to throw yourself on just anyone you meet when you’re out on town. I believe you should be more selective. We are after all talking about a rather intimate act, and if you’re going to make out, I think that it should be a little bit special”.
“What characterizes a bad make out is first of all that the person you’re kissing hasn’t taken the time to read you. A selfish person who does not care about reading your body language, is usually not very good at the kissing game. The ones who only run on a predetermined ‘setting’ are also not very good kissers. But if a person is completely passive, doesn’t contribute, makes no demands, and doesn’t show what they want, is a bad kissing partner as well”.
This text has previously been published in the Norwegian magazine Cupido.